Auberginenschnitzel: der Zweite Teil

I told you it’d get crazier.

The set-up:

My sister J. and I have made a veritable bounty of delicious eggplant schnitzel, laid out in detail in the previous entry.

But now we’ve got leftover egg and flour and bread crumbs.

What ever is to be done?

(More below the break)

Before J. and I made schnitzel, we had made a quick stir-fry with sugar snap peas, water chestnuts, and tofu (among other things.). This may be another entry – it may not. I feel like most people know how to stir-fry.

Whatever the case, J. and I had leftover sugar snap peas, and I felt the naughty talons of Inspiration gripping my shoulder (left shoulder, of course). “Sister mine,” I said, “wouldn’t it be a fantastic idea if we made snap pea schnitzel?”

A pause. “No,” quod she. “That’d be disgusting.”

AND HAS THAT EVER STOPPED ME? No, America. No, it has not.

The Heist

First a light dusting of flour.

Then the eggification.

And then? THEN FRYING.

What have I wrought? Note my perplexed expression.

Must I, I seem to say, really eat this?

Yes, America. Yes I must.

As it happens with onion rings, so it happened with fried snap peas, but worse: y’know how the inner vegetable separates from the batter? it comes loose and it’s still hot and it sort of slides into your mouth while you’re not paying attention and it burns?

Well, that happens with the snap peas. Be careful.


But it leaves a husk after its passing, like the molting snake.

And now a doggerel poem.

To the sugar snap peas I have just fried

How like unto the snake are peas!
How supple and how green
I would define the both of these
as having length and sheen.

How like unto the gods thou art,
how crispy and how golden!
But the ventricles of my heart,
to which I am beholden,

demand I be to thee contrary,
for ill diet and inarction
shant deflect defects pulmonary
or cardial infarction.


One thought on “Auberginenschnitzel: der Zweite Teil

  1. Can we have a bad poetry fest and dress as alcoholic literary giants? Yes, the BFG does count, those bottles of fizzle-pops or whatever were DEFINITELY of the vision-inducing variety.

    For yogurt that doth not ferment
    and leaves its whey perpetually unbent
    from the would-be creamy leche
    that remains untamed by Meche
    Alas! Alas! to be so fraught
    over something so easily bought…

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