America! I’m here. I’m here, I’m here. Don’t cry. School is out for the summer, and I’ve finally got the time to lavish upon you the attention you so richly deserve.
You’d forgotten about me? Don’t forget about me, America.
A lot has changed since I’ve been away. I’ve become a vague sort of vegetarian. I’ve cut out red meat entirely, and I may phase poultry back in eventually, and I certainly eat sea creatures.
So there’s that, America. There’s that, and then there’s all the new tricks I’ve learned. Tricks I shall impart to you, O my capricious nation. Tricks that involve lots and lots of chocolate.
But these are tricks I will teach you later. For now, the bluish-black realm of sleep awaits me. Good night.